Category: Uncategorized

Posted on

Because it’s been a while

Its been a long time since ive bunched a dump of time into this. I dont have a reason- good or bad. But something happened and I just wanted to start.. doing? Really, I think I started seeing people moving forward- and I remember that I was doing that, and then stopped. I need to not stop. So. Some stuff happened and now im here. Milestones- I live and work inside the loop in Houston, TX.   Also milestone- due to some adulting, when my car became to expensive, I had to give it up- so now im back to bussing and walking and ubering. Which.. can suck- but what it also lets me do is spend time out in the city. (btw, Houston is in TX. For those of you who dont know how that works, right now we are outside our 3 weeks of “not summer”) So.. I get to dive into this thing I like to do when I travel- take photos of stuff. I have some a weird vision, I focus on odd things and maybe thats your thing. or maybe its not. You can find out for yourself in…

The gallery!!!

One of a few things I spent all day very recently diving into. So theres that.

Really tho, I feel like the blog is the main course here and ive taken forever to get stuff on the plate. Thats.. all me. I realize that not providing and then owning it is still not providing- so. Here we go. Back into it.
Those photos by the way arent in any real order. A lot of the photos I used for all the sections are in there, and I pushed a second group of stuff that I just liked. I think in the future? I’ll start building pages, 2 or 3 groups a page. Or whatever works. Lets learn together.
Posted on

I didnt write that last one

But if youve been paying attention- you noticed a changed! Blog is in a totally new site altogether. AND Im talking about more stuff! At least theoretically. I havent decided on what to do with the old posts so for now theyre all just here. They need  tags I guess. So you can search for them since i plan to start generating content on the regular. I mean, the timing will be regular-ish. My experiences and voice are anything but.

Im at a Starbucks. Its 7.. ish. It has been a LONG time since ive seen the morning coffee people at starbucks. But I remember them. The elderly gentlemen who trade stocks or summon genies for money and seem to have a perpetual need for the bean in the morning and nowhere they need to be, Mothers, Daughters, commuters who need a fix, one delightful woman who met me eyes, offered me the biggest smile and mouthed “Good Morning!” at me. Im assuming. I hope thats what it was. My headphones are on and im projecting a positive bias. Theyre all still here. Somehow, they kept churning out the bean juice and new iterations of the same people have been crankin on in and out while I was off doing other things. Thats.. comforting and not. Everybody wants to matter- I want my absence to mean things. Sometimes it does- sometimes when i need it to it doesnt. Barista #3 certainly didnt notice. My head bobs subtle to U2 in my headphones and im in Starbucks on a Sunday morning after work writing in my blog.  While.. all the things in this world are happening- im doing this. so. at least theres that.

K. Time to go. We aint done quite yet, feet.

Songs to post by:

U2 “Stay (Faraway, So Close)”
Counting Crows “Raining in Baltimore”

Posted on

Blog Post Title

What goes into a blog post? Helpful, industry-specific content that: 1) gives readers a useful takeaway, and 2) shows you’re an industry expert.

Use your company’s blog posts to opine on current industry topics, humanize your company, and show how your products and services can help people.

These arent my words, but its a marker from when i moved the old blog into the new one.  I leave it here for absolutely no reason at all. But here it is.

Posted on

More

More cooking, more personal relationship building and the strength im learning to find when they arent available. More peace, more progress, more purpose.

More.

And its good.

I wrote something almost a year ago during a bought of fierce insomnia. Since it is crazy relevant again, Im going to retouch it and finally get it stored with other things Ive written. (its not long, but its not short)

I drove in almost complete darkness for hours having left the city. The highway lights got few, got sparse, and then abandoned me altogether- left me in the company of roads too infrequently traveled to be pot marked. Road signs nobody read. It was warm enough to leave the windows open and my speakers screamed out my questions into the night, but my headlights brought no answers. There wasnt so much a destination as a need to just be away from the things I knew. Being there hadnt brought me any clarity and I really, really needed clarity. Coyotes watched me streak through the empty dessert roads- streaking towards nothing- a low, low comet shooting in reverse under the  night sky. After a time and for no reason I slowed, turned off the road into a driveway with no sign and a fence that stretched both directions into the dark. I sat there with that dark at the fence guarding nothing for a time listening to the engine before finally turning off the car and then we sat in silence and let the light from the sky slowly fade in. Free from the city lights pollution, the stars burned fierce here. Untamed. Unbroken. Here, they remembered they were the most primal and awesome force in the sky. More numerous than anything I had ever heard of or would ever know burning hot shiny bright in the darkness a million million miles away. I looked up at them. They looked down on me.
I awoke sometime later, dawns light threatening to crest the hills I could now tell were far off in the east. And then they were there. Looming high and giant around me, windmills turned slowly, ceaselessly, having completed their vigil watching over me in the night.  My cheeks were stained with tears. Some time, late in the night while I slept, the deep sadness I’d been fleeing caught up with me, and danced with me, rocked me back to sleep and passed. I stepped from the car, and stretched high into ‘pre-day’ then a low rustle from the wind and my cars soft door open tones made the first voices I’d heard in forever. The last of the stars turned away from me, and their sweet sister Sol climbed over the hills and bathed the valley from her pink and orange perch high in the skies over Texas. I left my arms high and closed my eyes to greet her. Breathed deep in the new day. There was acceptance there, born sometime the night before. I turned, and stepped down to the road still lonely, still abandoned save me and stared off in one direction then the other. After, when I was decided, I climbed back into the car and turned back to the road, used my turn signal, then drove on into the new day the same direction Id been going.
Forward.
Posted on

I did a cooking #1

So. My first foray into cooking my blues away was an adult take on the quintessential comfort food, the grilled cheese sandwich. This was a whim when I began, but I think im going to make it a weekly thing. Who doesnt need a little comfort every now and again. I bought the ingredients at the store while doing a good deed for a good people, then went home- opened something refreshing and got to work.

The first step, I think to all my cooking ventures from here forward, was to make Alexa the DJ. She knows where all the music I like is, and even has some pretty good selections all her own. (Once I caught her playing a list of my favorite songs, and I dont know how she found them…) But yeah, she knows her craft and between  Buffalo Bayou brewery’s Summer Wit and her musical accompaniment I was good to go. First sandwich off the line was:

Smoked Gouda and Swiss grilled cheese w/ tomato, seared basil and bacon on rye sourdough.

It was pretty damned delicious. I had a photo but I dont have it on me, I probably ate that too because damn. And it let me get away from some of the heavier things Im thinking about this week- if just for a little bit. Being able to focus in the kitchen is definitely a thing. And yes- grilled cheese every week. Next week is still coming together as an idea, but Im thinking Jalapeno muenster cheese w/ pear slices and mint[something something] on [insert bread choice here]. It’s a working title. Dont judge me. Or do. I gave all my fucks at the office.

 

Posted on

Inspiration

Its been a hard year. Right off the bat- and to be honest? It hasnt gotten better. 40, thus far, has been more kick in the teeth than pat on the back. And thats fine. Life is fucking change- great. Lets change. And ive been storing that up in me steadily because all the places I could open up to are closed on all or some of the issues affecting me right now for whatever reason. And my tank is right about damned full. But.
It occurred to me that Ive had the solution for a while now. I was thinking about a short I wrote a while back about a policeman, who after his wife and daughter’s rapist has been caught, then freed- calmly quits the force and opens a mega successful bakery and uses the proceeds to hire a contract killer t- well, the story is predictable from there. I dont think Im at the point where I need to start looking for a contract killer (not yet guys, but keep me in mind) but burying these things in something constructive? That I can do.
Ive recently moved into a nice little spot in what im calling Outer Heights. Its big enough for one person with occasional guests and it is becoming apparent to me that that might be all I need. Im making good use of the space. Ive got a tiny little library and space for work and drink and sleep and what more do i really need? – the cooking. More of that in the immediate future. I think my wanderings are getting a tiny bit of structure.

Posted on

Untitled

So. Last night I couldnt sleep, and instead I put on a song ive been fixating on, and wrote this instead. Ive been told that most of my good work never gets recorded, so. Optimistically, heres this

I drove in almost complete darkness for hours having left the city. The highway lights got few, got sparse, then abandoned me- left me in the company of roads too infrequently traveled to be potmarked. Road signs nobody read. It was warm enough to leave the windows open and my speakers screamed out into the night questions, but my headlights brought no answers. There wasnt so much a destination as a need to just be away from the things I knew. Being there hadnt brought me any clarity and I really, really needed that. Coyotes watched me streak through the empty dessert roads- streaking towards nothing a low, low comet in reverse shooting under the sky. After a time and for no reason I slowed, turned off the road at a road with no sign and a fence that stretched in either direction into the dark. I sat in the dark at the fence guarding nothing for a time listening to the engine, and finally turned off the car and we sat in silence and let the light from the sky slowly fade in. Free from the lights pollution, the stars burned here fierce. Untamed. Here, they remembered they were the most primal and awesome force in the sky. More numerous than anything I had ever heard of or would ever know burning hot shiny bright in the darkness a million million miles away. I looked up at them. They looked down on me.
I awoke sometime later, dawns light threatening to crest the hills I could now tell were far off in the east. Looming high and giant around me, windmills turned slowly, ceaselessly, having completed their vigil watching over me in the night.  My cheeks were stained with tears, some time, late in the night while I slept the deep sadness I’d been fleeing caught up with me, and danced with me, rocked me back to sleep and passed. I stepped from the car, and stretched high into pre-day, a low rustle from the wind and my cars soft door open tones the first voices I heard in forever. The last of the stars turned away from me, and their sweet sister Sol climbed over the hills and bathed the valley from her pink and orange perch high in the skies over Texas. I left my arms high and closed my eyes to greet her. Breathed deep in the new day. There was acceptance there, born sometime the night before. I turned, and stepped down to the road still lonely, still abandoned save me and stared off in one direction then the other. Then, decided, I climbed back into the car and turned back to the road, used my turn signal, then drove on into the new day the same direction Id been going.
Forward.
Posted on

Tuesday is not in fact gone.

A deep heavy blanket fog settled over our city sometime in the night. Like we were all tucked in together while some of us slept. And when morning greets me the top half of my view is gone. Which might be a portent to the day I’m not ready to face. It is quickly and summarily ignored.

 

TUESDAY

Monday is passed and I’m still in the game. Upright, sipping coffee in my pj’s and slippers gazing out on half a world while tiny furry assassins prowl about in the dark. Or, quite possibly are still lying passed out coiled up in little pockets of warmth- they could go either way this early. Toast is toasting, an egg is frying and bacon is the truth. The rest of the week is lying in wait just outside my front door, but I am not as worried about it as I was Sunday night. Sunday night there’s a wasp nest right outside the door waiting to distract me from the moat filled with crocodiles and battleships and.. rent.  Today, while those things still exist I have settled into a comfortable steady dreading. There is bad. I am here. Lets do it. I put on my fatalistic llama face* and get in there like I intend to make better. I guess the main thing to hold on to is that bad stuff is going to keep on coming. It’ll have different hats every time you see it through the peephole but rest assured that at some point, some day, some toddler is going to kick you right in the jimmy right after you remark how well behaved some children can be. And that’s okay. Its important that we continue to show up. Hold that kiddo at arms length. Maybe wear a cup. Play around the bad. And when you get surprised or outplayed and you find yourself on the ground staring out up at a cloudy sky? Then you get back up, brush off your knees, and charge right back onto the playground cause there’s three more days to go. Time get back to earning that weekend bender.

Some good things.

  • Good conversation with good people about nothing at all.
  • Coiled cute kittens who are too exhausted to get their tongues back in their faces after a yawn.
  • The sound of the seams in the pavement under your tires at 60mph on open road.
  • Unspoken coffee refills over toast and bacon and watching the neighborhood wake up.
  • Oh, and Starbucks card rewards.

Also. Christians  Against Dinosaurs is not the first time I’ve laughed and cried and been almost completely befuddled at a group of human beings, but it’s easily the most recent. And I live in Texas. Have you SEEN our state board of education?

*See what I did there?

Posted on

Dissolve_1

Ive been trying to write about this hole in me for a while now. How and why it got to be and how hard it was to attempt to fill and how ultimately the solution is just to leave. I never make it through the first paragraph tear-free and I never finish. I can turn and twist words for all kinds of reasons, but turning them inward  has always been..  well. My track record for honesty with self aint great. I suppose one day, While im perched at a laptop or whatever sipping something deep and red and bittersweet with soft music of some sort flitting in the background ill figure that its finally time. And I’ll make my achy fingers bend and curl and stretch and pour out my middles to page and i’ll feel done. Not yet though.

Im a storyteller. And right now my most gullible, captive audience is me.