And then I went to New Jersey.
I have heard some regretful things about New Jersey on the television and radio waves of our nation but my experiences are an anomaly for in the glorious Garden State I did do great things.
I rose before the sun and trekked across an alien city to do battle with electricity and sound! I lay my head on the firmest most comfortable thing ever and dreamed sweet nightmares in the dark. I talked pain with an old woman and I met two cats and an incredible dog. We became fast friends.
I did some deep breathing, a lot of reflecting and a fair amount of looking in during the long, still hours in the night. I saw bridges and tunnels and hills and basements – I met new people, I renewed myself with some of the best people I know. I even became acquainted with a beautiful coffee shop in the wee hours of the morning and saw a robot steal a car then bring it back. I carried letters I could not send.
In the dead of night I faced deep fears in the passenger seat of a white traffic defying demon and it was magical. I wore a suit that used to be too small and is now to big. I sang rainbow connection with people I love and had shots with the tender of the bar. I do not. Regret. One. Second.
Also, I re-learned a few things about myself that I had no business forgetting in the first place. Among those, this:
Hesitation is doing me far more harm than good. One day in a future not terribly far off, I’ll wake in the early morning to tea fresh brewed and waiting. I’ll grab that cup and a fresh sliced bagel and settle into a chair on my porch and watch the sun carry high into the sky over the city. And while Im sitting there on that porch in the future with my hot tea and with my bagel, and a place set for a stranger to join me- I’ll be regretting the things I didnt do and not the things I did. I want that list to be shorter than it is now.
I am awake, and seek not to sleep long again.