I dont do well at funerals. Even funerals for people I am close too. I always feel a little overwhelmed and not by grief,I do that.. another way, but by everyone around me. I feel like somehow they have more right to these moments than I do BECAUSE theyre all sharing this grieving process the same way. I feel like im taking up space. Like im in the way. And though I often have something to say- I never speak. Again, this is for them and my words are chiefly for the departed anyway. I dont like to get involved. I dont like to burden them with me when they clearly have enough going on. This is either very callous and cold or very self realized but ultimately- that doesnt matter. That’s how it’s perceived by the people HERE. I like to think that for better or worse, the departed and I already know where we stand.
Except.
My best friend’s dad passed away. I wouldnt know many people at the service, of course, but it’s my best friend and so I was right there. Abel and I never had many words, we didnt see each other very often at all and I was always a little uncertain while I was around him. But his passing made ripples. He was one of the men who raised Natalie and so theres as much of him in that as anywhere. Through her was him. His lessons, his warnings his warmth. He drove trucks for a living. I think about the vast stretches of open road he had to contend with to provide for his family and I feel a little embarrassed that I take breaks trying to get from Dallas to Houston. The things he must have seen out there. Wheels in every state- I am in awe at the kind of man that makes. I held him high, and respected everything he did- but he never knew it. Wasted opportunities. Theres never really enough time even though there is often plenty of time. If you make it.
Abel. You raised my best friend to be strong, and fair, and wise. You helped shaped a beautiful and caring mother and you were a strong positive male force in the lives of children who needed one. We are in desperate need of worthwhile human beings. Thanks so much for showing us what that means. Good night.